I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
