I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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