BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
