Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
