Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
