Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
