I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Every concussion has its silver lining
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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