Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
either way he was missing a nipple.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
