I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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