dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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