i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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