Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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