I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
