Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
