She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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