Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
