i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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