He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
