walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We don't watch enough power rangers
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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