dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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