My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
