My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize