roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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