U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
