yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
