I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
