I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
