dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
