it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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