he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
