Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
