Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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