no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
