Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
