id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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