Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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