I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
