So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
