I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
