This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I stole a fireplace last night.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have already put on my inside pants.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
