weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
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