Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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