put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
