we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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