Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
