he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
