If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
