umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
