i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
