So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
