I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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