you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
