It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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