I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is Oprah even human
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
