I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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