Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
