i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
