That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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