and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
