I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just want to make out with him forever
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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