If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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