I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
