her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
