i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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