I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize