i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
