I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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