Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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