he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize