I have demons in me.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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