Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
