textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
