I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
