She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
