What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
