Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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