doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
