You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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