What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
