I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
