I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
