drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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