he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
