you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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