i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
