Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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