Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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