Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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