so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
