I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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