Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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