after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
